Friday, August 11, 2006

Why I Am Not and Never Will Be A Republican

I found this wonderful collection of truths while surfing the 'net.

What You Need To Believe (These Days) To Be A Republican:

1. Jesus loves you...and shares your hatred of homosexuals, the scientific method, and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam Hussein was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's dad made war with him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while quietly slashing benefits and combat pay at the same time.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

9. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

10. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriage and censoring the internet.

11. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio talk show host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

12. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 80's is irrelevant.

13. That we should show support for hunters who shoot their friends and then blame them for wearing orange vests similiar in color to those worn by quail.

These may seem silly, but they do point out some rather questionable logic.

1 comment:

Kevin (cousin in Hawaii) said...

Those are some incredibly weak, stale, cheap points in that list- probably was made when Reagan was in office, other than the Cheney stuff!

I'll have to search high and low around conservative sites to find anything that lousy about loony Lefties! ;)